Just Show Up

The race this morning was basically an experiment in how to do everything wrong.  A little beer (but just one) the night before.  A terrible night’s sleep punctuated by a violent thunderstorm after staying up way too late.  Sleeping in 25 minutes past the alarm.  I really only barely made the decision to get up and race – I nearly decided to just lie there and screw it.  Stopped quickly in the 7-11 for some coffee and a pure simple-carb pre-race breakfast, a package of six chocolate-covered mini-donuts.  By the time I got to the race I didn’t have time to do anything really resembling a proper warm up; maybe I ran a mile at best and no strides or anything of the like.  But sometimes it turns out that all it takes is showing up.  I ended up winning anyway in 17:18, which isn’t stellar, but was enough to win by a wide margin this morning and it felt like a gift from God to win another one.  My streak of pretty darn good races that started last fall in Minneapolis continues, even though it is about to come to an abrupt end.  Sadly, the experience was kind of joyless this morning.  That magic feeling that usually comes with running hard and winning wasn’t really there today.

Winning, but not looking too good without a shirt!
Photo Courtesy of SeeKCRun

“I thought I was flying like a bird, so far above my sorrow

But when I looked down I was standing on my knees.

Now I need someone to help me, someone to help me, please.”

I had thoughts of running some good fast races this summer before bowing to the knife, but now I don’t know.  Maybe it’s just best to get on with the surgical misery and start the long, hard road toward an attempted comeback.  It’s all hanging over me like a dark cloud and I don’t even seem to be able to enjoy the running I am capable of doing, not on a day to day basis nor even on race day.  Anyway, I can tell my fitness is not where it was 5 months ago.  It’s not even where it was a month ago.  Visions of running a really fast 2-mile this summer are evaporating and probably realistically completely out of reach given my state of body and mind.