Sin to Listen to Jackson Browne?

It occurred to me the other day as I found “The Pretender” CD in my car’s console that it would feel good to settle down into its melancholy spirit as I was going down the road (“lookin’down the road, I don’t know where I been”), because it would well match my mood of the last few weeks (“Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder where the years have gone. They have all passed under sleep’s dark and silent gate”). Several months into a project manager role for which I am very grateful yet simultaneously not very satisfied by I seem to be having mid-life crisis issues hitting me at the same time as my ACL rehab (“Oh God, this is some shape I’m in”). So besides being very depressed about not running and missing Boston again this year because of screwing up my knee I can’t seem to escape some of these feelings I am having that are telling me that I am a very disappointing underachiever (“who started out so young and strong only to surrender”).

Unfortunately, these feelings seem to be at odds with 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Ironically, I felt the Lord gave me this verse to reflect on just a couple of weeks before I tore up my knee! Although old Jackson Browne sometimes does help me get in touch with some of my darker feelings that I might otherwise be suppressing, the downside of too big a dose of Mr. Browne is that it can lead me quickly down a path of wallowing. As I have been thinking about this little fact the last couple of days while, mind you, enjoying “The Pretender” cover to cover a few times, I came across a verse in my Bible this morning as I have been starting my way through Mark. Jesus said, “Take care what you listen to.”

I think maybe I will put away “The Pretender” for a while and focus on other messages.

“Are you there? Say a prayer for the pretender.”

“Take my hand and lead me to the hole in your garden wall and pull me through.”

Beginning a Comeback?

Today the ACL rehab really began for me, finally. I have been in PT for 5 weeks now, religiously doing my stretches and my exercises to try to regain flexibility and strength in the joint, but all the time since that fateful basketball game on January 26 the cardiovascular engine that I have been building and tuning up for several years has been wasting away from disuse. But tonight Kay and I and the younger boys went to the gym and spent an hour in the pool. I spent probably 30 minutes of that doing real cardio activity, swimming laps, something I generally hate to do, but it got my heart beating and my lungs blowing, and that felt like a million bucks. The epithet that Luke and Tim gave me about my swimming, “leg dragger,” reflects how poorly I do it, but at least tonight it was good to feel that wholesome out-of-breath feeling. My knee did pretty well! I intentionally tried to keep it fairly straight and kick from my hips, which is better form anyway as I understand it, and it worked pretty well. I think the plan now will be to try to get a swim in at least three or four times a week at least until I can start “jogging” again. Of course, probably even when I can start “jogging” I won’t be able to put enough stress on my cardio system to do any good. I may have to keep swimming for a while and overlap that with the beginning phase of my running recovery. But at least it feels like the beginning of a comeback.